MY PATH TO Cosmic Crone
"Save IT till you are married!" and there had better not be any shotguns at the wedding! That's was my sex education growing up.
This is your wake up call.
You've taken good care of your family, and succeeded in your career.
You handle all the emergencies and tragedies life slings at you.
You've compromised, given to everyone around you, and kept your own dreams to yourself.
You've done everything you know to be good, safe, and enough - and still don't feel any of those things.
I get it.
We were all young women with dreams, desires, and plans to make an impact on the world. They told us we could have it all.
So what happened to sex? And romance? And pleasure? When did desire and anticipation give way to shame and despair?
When did you notice that you don't even know what you want?
When did you realize you've constructed your life to bury the pain of feeling fundamentally broken as a woman?
And now the facade has blown apart.
This is your wake up call.
I am Carla Sanders, the Cosmic Crone. I am an Orgasmic Guide and Visionary Mentor to women on their path to reclaim their divine feminine powers of sex, wealth, and voice.
My mission is to elevate and empower the Wise Woman, who is
- absolutely DONE with feeling shame about her sexuality and her female body.
- OVER feeling inadequate or in self-denial about money and wealth.
- eager to find her unique voice to speak her truth to transform her life and change the world.
I live by this truth: A woman in command of her own sexual energy is magnetic, visible, powerful, and unstoppable. Orgasm is your birthright!
Twenty years ago, I was in the middle of the endless divorce, and terrified of dating, because I was so broken and full of shame... but it all started in Sunday School – "Save it till you are married and there better not be any shotguns at the wedding."
The voice of my Southern Baptist sex education.
I didn't save it till I was married, and I felt so much shame and guilt about being sexual, having a body, having desires, and Breaking the damn so-called rules about sex, that I thought I was being punished by not being able to have orgasms.
I left the religion of my childhood behind, and ran away to New York to be an artist. I met an artist who was older, experienced, and hot -- and we had a couple of kids before we eventually got married. This was my rebellion.
But the repressive conditioning of my upbringing, and the damaging myths about sex and who a woman is supposed to be followed me.
I believed I was broken, flawed, and incomplete as a woman.
I wanted my husband to fix me, but he agreed that I was broken, and we'd just make the best of it.
Fast forward to the 90s. We moved to Maine, I got a job as a schoolteacher, and spent 5 years supporting my teenage sons through chronic illnesses of Type I diabetes and ulcerative colitis. My husband was laid off, and overcome with depression. I was holding everything together, just barely.
I felt like I was living someone else's life.
I was running on empty, and lonely.
I knew there was more and I wanted MORE, but I didn't know what MORE meant for me.
I sure as hell couldn't handle more work, more struggle, more illness. The world lost its color and became shades of gray. I came down with a case of major depression.
The day came when I realized I'd rather drive my car into a tree and end it all than drive into the school parking lot and show up for work. I scared myself and got treated for depression.
The color came back to my world. I began to explore new options for career so I could quit my job that was killing me. The kids graduated and left home on their own adventures.
I looked at my husband and said, “It's you and me babe! Let's get it on!” I showed him a copy of the Kama Sutra, the only sex information I knew about at the time, Whatever happened, I knew I needed his help, because sex belongs to the relationship, right? II thought it was his job to please me. He resisted. He refused treatment for depression. It was as if we had been in a deep hole together. I got myself out of it, and he didn't, wouldn't. Our marriage broke up. It was awful, terrifying, and terribly hard. Divorce was the second most evil thing I could do after having sex before marriage.
After four years, finally I was free of my marriage and my job. In my fiery forties, my sexual energy was off the charts. and I was ready to explore my sexuality and find the missing key to orgasmic bliss...
Except for one problem. I was still broken.
What if it didn't work? I was terrified to date or take a lover or act on my desire, because I feared failure. I couldn't risk the shame.
I decided I would not die without becoming my whole, full, orgasmic self. It became the most important thing in my life to fix this orgasm problem. But how? This was the year 2000. The internet was still dial up, and sex coaching hadn't been invented yet. I had not been invented yet, but I was about to be.
I was so desperate for help I went on a vision quest and prayed for help. Within a few weeks my answered prayer show up as a priestess of sacred sexuality. She invited me to work with her in her women's initiation into sexuality and Divine Feminine power.
I stepped into the first year of initiation and became Diva Carla. The first thing I learned was that I was not broken, and didn't need fixing. Far from having an orgasm problem, my multiple clitoral orgasms were completely normal – and enviable.
I needed a lot of healing around the abusive misogynist religion I grew up in that shamed me and taught me to hate myself. That took some time.
Through the initiation with the priestess and healing and ceremonial work with Native American teachers, I found my own authentic spiritual truth. The feminine aspect of the Divine began to awaken within me.
Over the years, step by step, I shed old ways, old beliefs, old patterns. I remembered truth that had been with me since childhood:
All the earth is sacred ground.
Women are sacred through their natural connection to the earth.
My body is a carrier of wisdom.
Nature is my church.
And I learned that the Womb is the portal of cosmic wisdom.
Orgasmic energy is the fountain of Divine Feminine Power.
Women are the Goddess embodied, and are meant to be honored, respected, and adored.
I became a healer, guide, and mentor for women who suffered as I had suffered: full of self-doubt and shame around their sexuality, their inability to orgasm, and their desire for more.
Many of my clients are also lifting themselves out of the repressive religious upbringing, and awakening to the Divine Feminine within.
Over the past 20 years, my work continues to evolve.
I channel the power of the Cosmic Crone, Orgasmic Guide and Visionary Mentor of women on a mission to live fully expressed through the three feminine powers of sex, wealth, and voice.
My mission is to heal, mentor, train, and prepare as many women as possible to be teachers and healers themselves so they can fulfill their mission as representatives of the Goddess on earth, and do their part to restore the balance of Masculine and Feminine on the planet.
At 59, I met my beloved, and at last entered into the sacred union of masculine and feminine I longed for. Now I am 64, and having the best sex of my life.
Together we are creating sacred space for initiation of women and men into their sacred power as elders, masters, and teachers, so that we can restore the world to a healthy, holy place for all the children to inherit.